Some Kid Icarus Story
by Angelic Randomness
Summary: Pit and company fight things that they normally wouldn't have to. Can they survive the horrors ahead? P.S. I'll take any suggestions on what I should write about!
1. Chapter 1

**A note before we begin...**

_This fanfic may be offensive to those who like any of the material featured here. Please don't flame me for my personal opinions. _

_Oh, and I don't own Kid Icarus. This fan wishes she did, though. _

* * *

It was the loveliest of days in Skyworld. The sun was shining. It was a beautiful day to go out and fly.

_"So Pit. How do you feel after a couple years of peace?"_

Pit smiled as he glided around a cloud. "It's amazing, Lady Palutena. There's always ice cream!"

The goddess laughed. _"Oh you and your food. Remember though: if you keep eating that way, and you won't be fit enough to fight in the next Light vs. Dark match."_

A look of horror settled on Pit's face. "You're right! I can't let Pittoo beat me up! That would disappoint my fans!"

"Hahaha! Disappoint? Those fans of your's would do more than that."

Pit froze. "Hello?" He had Palutena land him on a nearby cloud and turn off the Power of Flight.

A boy in black stood nearby. He was looking over the edge, his arms crossed over his chest. His wings flared up when he heard Pit's footsteps behind him. The boy turned to glare at him. Slowly though, his expression relaxed into a smirk.

"Hey," he said.

Pit gasped. "Pittoo? Where have you been lately? The last Light vs. Dark was cancelled because you weren't there!"

"I was somewhere. It's a long story." Dark Pit was unusually calm. He should've challenged Pit to a fight by now.

"A long story? It can't be." Pit joined him in looking over the edge. He saw what he had been looking at. Apollo, the REAL sun god, had stopped to rest. Pit frowned. "Um... Apollo? Why aren't you-"

"Zeus scheduled a three minute solar eclipse today. Now shut up, I need some sleep!" The god in gold clothing flopped down on his cloud.

"Okay..." Something was shoved in Pit's hand by Dark Pit. It was a pair of sunglasses. Pit stared at them, confused.

"Wear this," Dark Pit ordered him, "otherwise you'll burn your eyes out."

"Sure." Pit put on the glasses. "Wait, but-"

"We're angels, Pit. Remember? We don't need as much protection from the sun as the humans do."

"Really? Lady Palutena makes me-"

"Quite. It's starting."

Pit rolled his eyes to the top of his head and whispered. "Lady Palutena, are you watching?"

He didn't get a response back. Where was she? He quickly shrugged it off. Maybe she had seen plenty of eclipses before. Yeah, she was probably taking a break while Pit enjoyed the moment.

* * *

A minute later, the eclipse started. Pit's mouth hung open as he watched. The sky went dark and moon passed in front of the Sun.

"Beautiful, right?" Dark Pit asked.

Pit nodded. He never got to glance at a solar eclipse before. He felt something lay down on his shoulders. He looked to see his brother's arm there.

It was strange seeing Pittoo act like this. He wasn't trying to beat him up. Was he like this when alone? He didn't have to deal with Gods talking in his head as often as Pit did.

A minute or so into the eclipse, Pit felt Dark Pit's hand slip off. Then, he heard a sigh. Pit looked to his side. He was gone.

"Pittoo?" Pit asked. "Where'd you go?"

Another sigh. "It'll never happen, Pit. Never."

"What will never happen?"

"Our friendship. I call it off."

"WHAT?!" Pit's mouth hung open. "W-why?"

"You'll never understand." Dark Pit explained. "I'm heading back to Overworld. See ya."

"No, don't leave! The eclipse isn't even over."

"I don't care about the eclipse."

Pit carefully skittered around the cloud. His legs brushed against two feathery objects. He had found him.

"Huh? But it looks so good."

A laugh escaped from Dark Pit's lips. "Ha! You look good too."

"...What?"

Dark Pit stood and faced him. "Listen Pit. Ever since our first fight at the ruins, I've always felt strange about you. It's hard to describe. It's... I think it's love."

Pit gasped. "I've felt the same way for quite awhile too. I've never properly thanked you for saving my life... Twice!" He wrapped his hands around Dark Pit and hugged him. "Thanks, brother."

"Brother? That's not how I would describe my feel-"

"Of course you are! And you always will be."

"...I see." Dark Pit's voice was quite. He broke away from Pit. "Maybe we were never meant to be."

"You're acting really strange." Pit said. "Did something happen to you?"

"Nothing happened...Except you hurt my feelings!" Pit flinched when he felt Pittoo's hands clamp on his shoulders. "Kiss me. Maybe that'll make you feel."

"What?! K-kiss? You're really messed up right now!" Pit struggled to get out of his grip as he got closer to his face. It was no use. "Ugh! Get off of me! I don't want my first kiss to be-"

"HANDS OFF OF MY BROTHER, YOU DOLT!"

Pit was knocked back when a figure raced out from the side, kicking Dark Pit.

"What is going on?!" Pit yelled.

* * *

The moon moved out of the sun's way. Pit took off his glasses, and saw...

Two Dark Pits. One had the other pinned to the floor.

"There. Will. Be. No. Yaoi." The one on top growled. "Zip. Zero. NO."

"Y-yaoi? I wasn't going to-" The Dark Pit being pinned was beginning to look nervous.

"Don't lie to me. I heard you." The first said. "Prepare to face your creators in Hades, barbarian."

Pit shut his eyes and turned away as the second DP screamed. And then... Nothing.

"What was that all about? And Pittoo..."

"That wasn't the real me, Pit Stain."

Pit opened his eyes. "Huh?"

"Someone sent him. Specifically to create a fanfic where you and him fall in love."

"Me and you... Fall in love?" Pit froze up, his mouth hanging open. "That's...Disgusting! Ewewewew!"

Dark Pit glared back at the spot where he had eliminated the imposter. "I know. Incest isn't funny."

_"Pit! Are you alright? The connection between us broke off."_

"I-I'm fine, Lady Palutena. I'm just a little freaked out."

_"What happened?"_

Pit filled her in on what he'd just experienced. A shiver went down his spine when he talked about Imposter Pittoo trying to kiss him.

_"I see. Dark Pit, we should thank you for saving him."_

"You're welcome." Dark Pit told her. He smirked at Pit. "I'm sorry you had to experience that. I'll tag along back to Skyworld if you'd like."

_"Aw. That_'s_ nice of you." _

"Whatever. I experienced the same thing yesterday. It was rather creepy."

"Again, thanks." Pit told him. "But what's Yaoi?"

"You'll find out someday. It's not really my thing to explain." Pit noted how Pittoo tensed. He was really bothered by the subject.

Before he could try and push Dark Pit for more information, a light fell upon the two. It carried them back to Skyworld.

* * *

**EDIT: Meanwhile, Angelic Randomess edits things like mad. She has to learn not to post things so quickly.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Again, if anyone is offended by what I'm writing, I'm sorry.**_

* * *

Dark Pit strolled through the village of Clearview. His wings were hidden under a black jacket. He carried a bag on his left shoulder. He was tired of walking. After making it to Clearview's Main Street, he found a bench and sighed in relief. Dark Pit settled himself it and began to scourge through his bag.

It was said that somewhere in the town, there was an old cave that contained treasure. DP had come here to investigate it. However, he didn't want to ask the locals. From the info he had gotten, they were defensive about the treasure for some reason. The man he had spoken to earlier had been sent to jail once just for bringing it up!

He slowly got up and looked around. Clearview didn't contain an inn. It was too small for that. He wished that he had brought a tent with him. Maybe a store sold them?

* * *

He entered a large white building. A girl around his age looked over at him. She had long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and large blue eyes.

She came over, smiling. She had the fattest red lips DP had ever seen. "Good morning! I'm Mary. Can I help you?"

The girl wasn't wearing a blue and gray uniform, like the guys he saw nearby. Instead, she had on a pink, sparkly dress. It made him cringe. Did she work here or was she toying with him?

"So, um...Do you guys sell tents?"

Mary nodded. "Yep, yep! We certainly do!" She turned and waved to him. "Follow me, if you'd please." She walked down the aisle nearby, and made a right turn. Dark Pit followed her, but cautiously. There was something strange about her. It wasn't her strawberry perfume.

It was her attitude. He was put off by it. It didn't seem normal for someone who worked in a store. Unless Mary was having a good day or something?

When they finally got to an isle with a display of green tents, she turned and giggled. "Here you go, mister!"

"Yeah, um, thanks." Dark Pit began searching through them. They all seemed to be of poor quality and made him groan. "What happened to them? There's holes everywhere on this one, that one doesn't come with wooden pegs..."

Mary shrugged. "I don't know why, but it's been like this for awhile. I had to buy milk with half its contents missing yesterday."

Someone giggled. "You sure it wasn't..." A tall girl stepped out from behind a shelf. She had long light blue hair and purple eyes. She was dressed in a light blue revealing outfit. "Me?!" She winked at Dark Pit.

* * *

Dark Pit glared back. "Pandora? What are you doing here of all places?"

"Nothing much," the Goddess of Calamity said," except spying on you." She floated over and glared at Mary. "I see you've been hanging out with that girl? You should get away from her. Like, now."

Mary backed away from Pandora. She blushed madly. "I was here first for him. Back off."

Dark Pit glared at Mary. "Mary Sue? That's you isn't it? You've come to stalk me again? Shadow the Hedgehog rejected you?"

"Um...Yes." Mary smiled nervously. "I love you!"

"I don't!"

"I love him and I'm a canon character!" Pandora yelled. She began playing with DP's hair.

He pulled away from her. "I have no feelings for you either! Stay away, will ya?"

Pandora blinked. "That's...Harsh."

"Yeah, honestly I don't give a Magikarp." Dark Pit smirked. "Sorry. Maybe someone else would take you?"

"Um...Well..." Pandora blinked. An awkward silence followed. "I always assumed that you like me. You said "Who IS that," or something along those lines when I changed to this form."

"That's because you looked ugly," Dark Pit snickered.

Pandora's face heated up. "Well, I'll show you who's the ugly one..."

Mary interrupted her before she even got close to him. "I still want him!"

"No, me!" Pandora yelled. She turned to glare at her.

Mary lunged at Pandora. Her hands glowed for a moment before revealing very long rainbow nails. Pandora pulled out her short light blue sword and swung it at her. Mary fell on top of one of the tents, destroying it.

* * *

Meanwhile, Dark Pit fled from the scene. He attracted the attention of the guys nearby.

"Girl fight on isle 7," he told them. Then, he flung open the door and raced out of the building.

Screw the treasure. Screw staying in Clearview overnight. Dark Pit only had one thing on his mind.

FLEE.

The store exploded in flames behind him. He heard Mary Sue scream and Pandora laugh. The store clerks yelped and fled out the building.

And then silence. He looked at the store. A light from above penetrated it. The embers faded. An angel in white came down from the sky. It was Pit, here to deal with crazy Pandora.

* * *

Dark Pit just turned and walked away. The next town wasn't far from here. It was larger than Clearview and popular with tourists. Hopefully there would be no Mary Sues or goddesses destroying everything there.

Hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

"Lady Palutena, are you sure you don't need help?" Pit watched his patron goddess as she struggled down the front steps with a large crate.

"I'm fine," the goddess said. She groaned as she shifted the weight of the crate.

Pit shook his head. "Lady Palutena-"

She made it down the steps and turned towards the doors to the armory. She poked her head out from behind the crate and glared at it. A light green aura surrounded the doors and flung them open.

"Lady-"

Palutena stared reassuringly at the worried angel. "Pit, it's your day off. I can handle this myself."

"Oh come on, Lady-" Pit stopped himself. He didn't want annoy Lady Palutena. After all, it did look like she had control over the situation. "...Okay." Pit sighed and walked away from her.

A few days before, a "dark lord" broke in and kidnapped her, forcing Pit to use his platforming skills to save her. A day after that, Dark Pit reported that he was being chased by girls. Yesterday? A fake Viridi came in to declare her love for meat. Pit had to throw her out. Something had to be going on. Why were they being harassed with all these cliches?

Pit turned the corner and towards his bedroom, when he heard a crash come from the guest room. He raced over and flung open the door.

* * *

In the middle of the room stood Dark Pit, with scratches and bruises all over his body.

"What happened to you?" Pit's mouth hung open.

The dark angel threw his hands up. "They've found me, and they've brought a Yaoi-obsessed Pit with them!" He grabbed Pit's arm. "We have to find someplace to hide. Now."

The Pits raced out of the room. Pit led the way, while Dark Pit, armed with his Dark Pit staff, stayed close behind.

"Lady Palutena never had the thought of building a shelter," Pit said.

"Well, that's dumb!" Dark Pit twirled around and fired some shots behind him. "How are they so fast?!"

Pit stared at him. "They've caught up ALREADY?!"

Dark Pit reached for his belt and pulled out a small orange square. "Thank goodness I have both Tirelessness and Effect Duration on hand." He squeezed the Power. In turn, a glow surrounded both Pit's feet.

Pit led them out of the temple. "The best place to go is the centurion bunkers. They're just a short glide to your left." He pointed to a couple of skinny gray buildings.

"Yeah, but what if we fail to make it? There's no clouds right now!"

Pit clenched his fists. "I'll contact Lady Palutena."

_Sorry Pit, but a crazed Yuri Medusa is after me! Fall to Earth and talk to me later._

Both angels groaned.

"I guess we don't have a choice." Pit looked down below. "Skyworld is directly over a lake in the Overworld. Maybe if we..."

Dark Pit pushed him off the island. "No time!"

Pit screamed as he plummeted. Suddenly, a strong wind picked them up.

"Calm down," he told himself as he settled into a slow downward glide, "it's only wind."

"Yeah, but it's violent!"

"Calm down!"

"I can't!" Pit began fidgeting around.

Dark Pit rolled his eyeballs. Pit was talking to himself again.

* * *

Despite running into a lightning storm on the way down, both Pit's managed to hit some trees.

Pit looked around as he climbed down. "Where to now?"

"DEUS EX MACHINA!"

Both angels jumped as a hole with a manhole cover appeared in front of them.

"Who was that," Pit asked, "and what does that mean?"

"Deus ex machina..." Dark Pit suddenly held a small tablet in his hands. "It means: When something new suddenly solves an unsolvable problem. Thank you, TvTropes. We wouldn't have- How dare you say we don't have WiFi!" Frustrated, he tossed the tablet into a nearby bush.

* * *

Once they made it into the hole and locked various doors, they heard pounding.

"We made it." Pit collapsed on a small bed. "Whew!"

Dark Pit sat down at a table, pulling a laptop out of who knows where. "Wait, so NOW we have WiFi?" He shrugged. "Whatever, I guess."

"How are we going to spend the next few hours?" Pit began playing with his fingers. "I couldn't grab my 3DS. I would totally kill for some LvD right now!"

"That's why we have the internet, Pit. It's a great time waster." The dark angel opened up Internet Explorer and smirked back at him. "So, where to?"

"I don't know. Something that would grab my attention, like-"

A fart rang through the bunker. Pit glared at Dark Pit. "Really?!"

_"Noooooooooooooooo..."_

Dark Pit cringed. "That's _NASTY_." He closed the tab. "Anyway, if there's something you've always to know, then why don't we search it up now?"

Pit ran over. His eyes shone at all the possibilities. "Cool! How about how to fly? Or how to make the best chocolate sundae?"

Dark Pit went to Google. "Or maybe I'm feeling lucky." He pressed the button to the right.

It loaded in several seconds. What came up made his eyes widen.

"Holy Corphish!" He jumped out of his chair and behind Pit.

"What happened?" Pit studied several pictures on the screen before screaming. "My eyes! They burn!" He fingered the touch pad. "Down down down!"

They sighed in relief when the pictures were gone and words replaced them.

"P-pittoo, what was tha-that?"

Dark Pit lowered his head. His hand shook as he laid it back down on the computer's touch pad. "Remember when I destroyed the Dark Pit clone that tried to kiss you?"

"Yeah," Pit nodded, "you called what happened between us Yaoi."

"Well... That was it." He zoomed back up to the search bar and typed something. Then, he went to the first blue link he saw. "We're about to enter some dangerous territory. Are you ready?"

Pit tensed up. "I guess so."

Dark Pit clicked the link.


	4. Chapter 4

It took Dark Pit's computer a minute to load before the next screen popped up.

"Where are we?"

"Pit, welcome to the Kid Icarus Fanfic Archive," Dark Pit said. "It's where some of the stupidest ideas for KI games came to be and how those Pit clones were created."

Pit scanned the page. From the pictures and ratings, he could already tell that reading most of these stories would be either cause him to lose brain cells or be dangerous to his mentality.

"Geez, we're a tiny video game series and we have so many fanfics."

"It's the fangirls. They're always go mad for hot boys like you and me."

Pit blushed. "Really?" He looked where it listed the characters in each story. "It looks like they target you more."

Dark Pit groaned. "I'm awesome, cool, more awesome, and I can kick butt. I just don't like that kind of attention."

Pit sighed. "I don't know, but I guess it would be nice if I got that kind of attention..."

"Trust me, don't think about it." He got the computer from Pit and began scrolling down. He glared at the first few items on screen and breathed in heavily. "Let's start reading them."

* * *

_The campfire blazed as a young boy roasted marshmallows. The sky was littered with stars. The forest around him was quite, like everything had died. The boy was alone, wallowing in self-pity and despair. Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes. He just didn't know what to do with his life._

_It had been days since Pittooey left Skyworld. He hated Pit and Palutena. He couldn't stand Viridi or her commanders. Now, he was alone._

* * *

"A few paragraphs in, and we already have problems." Dark Pit leaned back in his chair. "First off, my name is Dark Pit. Not Pittoo or Pittooey. Second, why would everyone mistreat me? Third, the author repeated I was alone twice."

"Not to mention you seem like you're about to cry."

"Yes. It takes more than that to break me. Like if my wings were taken from me or if I had nothing on me but a bottle of water."

* * *

_All he had on him was a bottle of water. His precious black wings? Gone._

* * *

Pit fell to the floor, laughing and pointing at the dark angel. "You just jinxed yourself!"

Dark Pit pressed the back button. "I'M DONE WITH THIS MISERABLE PIECE OF GARBAGE!" He scrolled down. "How about this one?" He clicked on it.

* * *

_Arlon kissed Pandora while Pit clapped._

_"Hurr durr marriage fun." Pit grew cross-eyed and grinned._

_Viridi slapped him and __growled into his ear. "Shut up Pit. We have a party to get to."_

* * *

Dark Pit blinked. "...What? Also, Pit's out of character."

* * *

_Palutena closed her locker._

* * *

"Why'd you suddenly stop reading?" Pit watched as the screen reloaded.

"High school is way overdone."

* * *

_Hi! My name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long black silky beautiful hair and cute large blue eyes. I go shopping at Tot's Hoppip every week with Darkie, my boyfriend. He's so cute and wonderful and more cute and can take out that ugly prep Spit in five seconds! _

* * *

"WHAT IN HADES?!" Both Pits fainted.

When they both recover, Pit took the chair from him. "Let's calm down..."

"I can't." Dark Pit bursted out laughing. "Ebony out of all people? Oh my gods."

"You were touched by a devil, Pittoo. Hades bless you."

* * *

For the next few minutes, they skimmed more fanfics. The authors didn't seem to get any better. Both angels decided they needed a break. Pit hung out in a recliner while Dark Pit watched some videos.

They were about get back to hunting through the archive when a knock sounded at their door.

Pit jumped out of his seat. "Oh no." He rushed over to the door. "Who's there?"

"Pit, I want to talk to you."

Pit clenched his fists. "You're not fooling me, fake Pittoo. I'm not opening the door."

A laugh rang through the room. "Who said we were behind the door?"

Pit spun on his heel, finding three boys behind him. One was next to the wall and tied in long brown rope.

"Pittoo!" He pulled out his Palutena bow and pointed it in their direction. "You get your dirty hands off of him right now." He slowly approuched the Pit doppelgängers.

"No," Pit Two (Pit's clone) stepped up, brandishing a pair of Stealth Claws. "Either accept us or die."

"No way!" Pit rushed at him, splitting his bow apart. "Don't you know how bad incest is? What if we had the ability to have a kid? He, or she, would come out all wrong. It would be a waste of a poor soul."

Pit Two rushed at him. He held out two small squares. Seconds later, he was gone.

"Where'd he-" Pit was shot from behind. He turned, only for pain to envelop his stomach. He then felt cold. He had been frozen!

Pit Two reappeared in front of him. "Got him."

Dark Pit's clone (Dark Two) smirked. "Great, now let's get these two back to our Skyworld."

"No!" Dark Pit yelled. He wiggled in his bonds. He smirked himself when he felt something warm in his hand.

Pit Two walked over to him. And then he got burned. Terribly.

Dark Pit rolled away from the burning ropes. He stood and kicked Pit Two aside. He disintegrated as soon as he hit the wall.

Pit thawed out of the ice after a short struggle with Dark Two abusing the Freeze power. He shot him in the head and then dived on top, attacking viciously.

Dark Pit cringed and looked away. A scream seconds later indicated that Dark Two was gone.

Pit brushed a pile of black feathers off his tunic. "Phew!"

They were both silent, waiting to see if there was anything else. Dark Pit went over to his laptop and scooped it up.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

* * *

When they got back to the surface world, Pit screamed in horror. A blonde-haired girl in a rediculously puffy pink dress laid in the grass, groaning.

"Pit? Dark Pit? Is that you?" She rose her hand. "Those idiots tried to kill me."

Neither of the Pits went near her. They raced into the woods. Once they were out of earshot, Pit collapsed on a tree stump.

_"Are you two alright?"_

"Lady Palutena, thank goodness," Pit said. "We're fine. This problem of ours is getting strange."

_"How?"_

A light surrounded both Pits, bringing them back to Skyworld. They met the Goddess of Light at the front of her temple.

"You see, Dark Pit introduced me to this place... It's where people write about us."

The Goddess thought for a moment. "If that's the source... I don't know how it can be helped. Trying to tell them they're wrong will create a firestorm."

Pit lowered his head. "There has to be a way..." He began pacing around while the other two watched him. "Wait... You can post stories there. So that means we can put up a PSA to stop this stuff NOW!"

Palutena and Dark Pit groaned.

"He's not listening to us."

"They won't listen to him," Dark Pit added.

"Aw, come on Pittoo!" Pit threw his arm over his brother's shoulders. "It's worth a shot."

"Dark Pit's right." Palutena said. "People may not want to give up what they like to do, for reasons unknown. You can't force them."

"Lady Palutena..." Pit's eyes grew.

Palutena couldn't help but falter when she saw his face. She sighed and conjured a laptop in Pit's hands. "Alright. Just be careful. If I see you going over the top, then I'm going to prevent you from going there again."

The angel raced off into the temple.

Dark Pit glared at Palutena. "Great, now everyone's going to know we exist." He began jogging after Pit. "Excuse me while I build a barricade in the guest room."

Palutena just laughed and followed him. "Now Pittoo, you don't have to do that. I always have my forcefield on hand."

But she was unaware that the fans were watching. By using their authorial powers, they could sneak past the barrier and torture them even more. And with a certain new game on the horizon, Pit and friends were going to get a lot of attention.

* * *

Pit ended his entry there and sat back in his bed. It had been long and tedious, but the story was now done. He closed his browser and grabbed his 3DS...

When he realized he never saved his work. Dark Pit had to come in and recount the events while Pit sobbed in bed.

"It's only a story," Dark Pit tried to explain.

Pit sniffled. "It's my life!"

Dark Pit saved the document before leaning back in his chair. "There. Happy?"

Pit looked up and smiled when he saw blocks of texts filling the screen. "Thanks Pittoo."

"Whatever. I'm going back to the altar to focus on the ultimate Dark Pit staff. See ya." He slammed the door, leaving Pit to post the chapter online.

* * *

**Note that this might not be the last chapter.**


End file.
